Therapy for Self-Esteem and Self-Criticism in Toronto
Doctoral-Level Psychological Care

Therapy for self-esteem and self-criticism at Laksman Doell Psychology is delivered by doctoral-level registered psychologists, both in person at our office in the Annex neighbourhood of Toronto and virtually across Ontario.

What Low Self-Esteem and High Self-Criticism Look Like

“Self-esteem is not built by chasing praise or reassurance from the outside. It is built by changing the relationship with the voice that you carry on the inside.”

The way that we talk to ourselves, and about ourselves, matters more than we often realize. It shapes how we move through the day, how we interpret what other people think, and what we believe that we deserve. For many of us, that voice is harsh, relentless, and constant. For others, it is quieter and more corrosive, like a steady undercurrent that makes us feel like a fraud, a disappointment, or a problem. Much of the time, even when that voice is obviously critical, it can still be difficult to catch. It can be subtle and quick, it can disguise itself as being helpful or constructive, and it takes skill and effort to slow it down so that we can see it for what it actually is.

The inner critic almost always has a history. It came from somewhere. It started as a way to keep you safe, to help you to anticipate the next disappointment, to make sure that you stayed small enough to be loved by the people who could not love you the way that you needed. Once you understand that, the work becomes about changing the relationship that you have with your inner voice, rather than about trying to fight against it.

Self-esteem is about our overall subjective sense of personal worth and value, it is rooted in our learning history, and it is heavily influenced by the interactions between our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It serves as a core foundational element that allows us to navigate life and to approach challenges with openness and curiosity rather than harsh self-criticism. While low self-esteem frequently involves judging ourselves negatively, feeling inadequate, and fearing failure, a healthier sense of self-esteem allows us to acknowledge both our strengths and our weaknesses, to learn from our mistakes, to set boundaries with others, and to pursue goals that are meaningful to us.

If you recognize that your self-critic is keeping you stuck, or that you feel bad about yourself more often than you are able to feel good, then there is work that can be helpful to change these patterns. This is work that we know how to do.

IF YOU ARE READING THIS

You may not be sure what you need, but something brought you here…

The voice in your head is harsh, relentless, and constant. It rehearses every mistake. It minimizes every success. It talks to you in a way that you would never accept from anyone else, and you have started to suspect that the voice may be causing some of the very things that it criticizes you for.
Your sense of worth is tied to your performance. When the performance dips, the floor drops out. When it rises, the floor rises with it for a moment, then it settles back to where it was. You are tired of living that way, and you do not know how to stop.
You have tried positive thinking. You have tried affirmations. You have read the books. They did not hold. The shift has to happen somewhere underneath the words, and you are looking for someone who knows how to do that work with you.

This is what has brought you here. And you are in the right place

THERAPY FOR SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-CRITICISM IN TORONTO

The presentations of low self-esteem and high self-criticism that we treat:

At Laksman Doell Psychology, we provide psychological treatment to individuals who are looking to change the relationship that they have with themselves, and we have done this work for long enough to know that it is possible. We work with individuals who come to treatment having already identified how harsh their self-critic really is. We also work with many high-performing individuals who have mistaken their self-critic for drive, and who are coming to treatment to address the inner chaos that has been left behind by their focus on outer success.

Our doctoral-level psychologists treat a number of different presentations that are often associated with low self-esteem or high self-criticism, including:

Feeling Bad About Ourselves

Frequent self-criticism erodes our confidence and leaves us feeling like every mistake that we make, and every difficulty that we encounter, is a reflection of a flaw in our identity. It can make us feel stupid, worthless, or unloveable, and it can contribute to issues with body image as well. Because the threat to our sense of self is generated internally, it tricks our nervous system into treating our own thoughts as existential threats, and this can have a profound impact on our mood, and can contribute to feelings of guilt, shame, depression and anxiety.

Treating Ourselves Poorly

When we feel badly about ourselves we also often don’t prioritize treating ourselves well. Sometimes this means that we prioritize the needs of others over our own, or that we don’t take the time to engage in healthy lifestyle habits. Not eating well, not making time to exercise, engaging in substance use or other less-than-healthy behaviours, can both be a consequence of, and a contributing factor to, low self-esteem.

Focusing on External Validation

While wanting approval from others is a natural human instinct, relying on it to feel good about ourselves creates an unstable foundation that may be problematic in a number of different ways. External validation tends to be conditional, is temporary, and is often out of our control. Focusing on the reactions of others, rather than grounding our self-esteem internally, also keeps us on alert for subtle signs of rejection or disapproval, and may lead us to adjust our behaviours and priorities to be overly accommodating of others as a result.

Accepting Less in Our Relationships

Feeling badly about ourselves can also lead us to accept less than ideal treatment from others. Fear of judgement, criticism or rejection can make it harder to communicate our needs clearly and directly, which can lead to feelings of resentment and can breed inequity in relationships. Intense self-criticism can also convince us that we don’t deserve better when the other people in our life are treating us poorly, and may increase our tolerance for abusive or neglectful behaviour.

Avoidance and Procrastination

The fear of failure that is perpetuated by the internal self-critic often contributes to a number of different behaviours that are designed to protect us from potential opportunities for failure. As a result, high self-criticism and low self-esteem may lead us to avoid or to withdraw from new professional opportunities or social experiences, or may cause us to put things off (often indefinitely) if we fear that they will be hard or that they may make us feel inadequate.

Perfectionism and Burnout

Perfectionism is an often maladaptive coping mechanism of the high-achieving individual with an intense inner critic. It is driven by the belief that nothing short of perfect will ever be good enough, that any visible mistake is catastrophic, and that any relaxing of standards will expose how flawed we actually are. Rather than contributing to further growth, these relentless standards tend to lead to feelings of overwhelm and burnout if they go unaddressed.

OUR APPROACH

Treatment that starts with understanding you.

At Laksman Doell Psychology, our doctoral-level psychologists utilize evidence-based treatments to help challenge the patterns of self-attack that are often associated with low self-esteem and high self-criticism, and we help individuals to develop self-confidence and self-compassion that actually holds. The goal is not self-love as a feeling that you can summon on command. Rather, the goal is the kind of internal stability that does not depend on outside approval. The kind that lets you take in praise without flinching, take in criticism without collapsing, and that allows you to live a life that is anchored from the inside.

We work with adults to understand where the inner critic came from, what it has been trying to protect you from, and how to build a more honest, kind, and accurate relationship with yourself. This is some of the most worthwhile work that our practice does, because the shifts that happen here tend to change everything else. The way you show up at work. The way you choose partners. The way you parent. The way you treat the people you love when you are tired. All of it begins to move when the relationship with yourself moves.

We use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to surface and shift the patterns of self-attack, with the kind of structure that makes the work concrete rather than abstract. We bring in Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), which is built specifically for this territory, and which helps you to develop a more balanced sense of self that allows for a compassionate recognition of both your strengths and your vulnerabilities. We use Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) to bring the inner critic directly into the room so that it can be heard, challenged, and softened.

For people who came to identify their inner critic within a high achievement environment, there is often a specific worry that doing this work will cost them their edge. We want to be direct about our answer to this fear – it doesn’t. What changes is the cost of the achievement, not the achievement itself. The wins still come. They just stop being the only thing that is keeping you upright.

OUR DIFFERENCE

Specialist training.
Private practice access.

Every clinician at Laksman Doell Psychology is a doctoral-level psychologist who is registered with, or working toward registration with, the College of Psychologists and Behaviour Analysts of Ontario (CPBAO). Many of our team members bring particular depth in the treatment of low self-esteem and high self-criticism, including with high-performing professionals and athletes whose self-criticism is sometimes mistaken for drive. Our team has trained at sites including, but not limited to, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), Sunnybrook Health Science Centre, St. Joseph’s Healthcare Hamilton, Princess Margaret Cancer Centre, Toronto General, North York General, Cleveland Clinic Canada, and the University of Toronto.

Sessions are available in person at 27 Prince Arthur Avenue in the Annex neighbourhood of Toronto, or virtually across Ontario via PHIPA-compliant video. All services are available virtually to any Ontario resident. No referral required.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Will changing my self-critic lower my motivation?

No. The goal is not to lower your motivation or your standards. Rather, it is to disconnect your sense of self-worth from external standards. Reducing self-criticism does not mean letting go of the need for self-reflection or the possibility of self-improvement. It does, however, allow you to make more intentional choices about where you want to place your efforts and what matters most to you.

What if my problems aren’t bad enough to warrant therapy?

The idea that your problems may not be “bad enough” to warrant therapy is sometimes its own indication of a self-critic that is preventing you from reaching out for help or that has trouble tolerating your vulnerability. Our answer would be that if you are struggling, if you are feeling bad about yourself, or if you are having a hard time making changes on your own, then these are all valid reasons that bring people into therapy.

Is treatment for low self-esteem just about telling yourself to think positively?

No. Treatment for low self-esteem is about understanding where the issues with self-esteem originated, what they look like now, and what it is that is keeping them going. It is then about using a variety of evidence-based treatments to change long-standing patterns of distorted thinking and problematic behaviours, so that we can build a new, more balanced, foundation that allows space for both the positive and negative aspects of self and of life.

Do I need a referral for therapy for self-esteem and self-criticism in Toronto?

No. You can contact us directly. No referral from a physician or psychiatrist is required.

Is therapy for self-esteem and self-criticism at your practice covered by OHIP?

Private practice services are not covered by OHIP. Coverage may be available through extended health benefits, as many plans cover the services of a registered psychologist. We recommend confirming with your provider before commencing treatment.

Can I be seen virtually?

Yes. All services are available virtually via PHIPA-compliant video for any Ontario resident.

Life is complicated. We give you clarity.

The first step is a brief consultation to help understand what you are looking for. Email us at [email protected] or complete our contact form online.