The Filtering Trap: How to Stop Fixating on What Went Wrong

High achievers tend to zero in on flaws. Here’s how to spot the mental blind spot that’s sabotaging your confidence—and how to break the cycle.

All of us have imperfections in the way we process information, arrive at conclusions, and make meaning out of our experiences. Knowing what your blindspots are, and taking steps to address them, will help to give you the mental edge you need to excel.

Here we are going to focus on the “filtering” blindspot. All day, we receive information that is either pleasurable, painful, or neutral. We learn that our proposal was rejected and we feel sad. A client extends their contract and we feel happy. A coworker is promoted, even though we have been at the company longer, and we feel angry.

Humans naturally focus more intently on painful experiences than pleasurable ones. It is a survival strategy. When it comes to staying alive, avoiding what hurts (e.g., hunger) is more important than approaching what feels good (e.g., taste). However, our tendency to disproportionately focus on painful experiences can interfere with our ability to evaluate ourselves and the world around us. When we have an overly negative evaluation of ourselves, we try to improve things that are already working well, avoid new opportunities because we feel unprepared, and project a diminished sense of self that other people start to accept as reality.

Have you ever received a performance review and felt stuck on that one piece of negative constructive feedback? Or have you found yourself reviewing all your recent setbacks and mistakes, and started to wonder whether you are really up for the challenge of your role? If so, it’s likely that filtering is one of your blindspots.

If these scenarios resonated with you, don’t worry. You’re in good company, and there’s something we can do about it. Humans also have a remarkable ability to reason about own thoughts (called “metacognition”) and can intentionally shift their thinking styles with practice.

If you feel like filtering might be holding you back, try these exercises:

Pick something you feel insecure about (e.g., your presenting ability, whether your colleagues think you are “smart”, your networking skills, etc.). Now intentionally call to mind some examples, even ones that feel too small to be worth considering, that are inconsistent with this view of yourself.
Create a new note in your phone. Over the next week write down every “win” you have at work, even ones that feel like they are too small to be worth considering. At the end of the week review your list. What do these accomplishments say about you? (Hint: you may find that you are more capable/creative/likeable than you thought).

Dr. Andrew Hunter is a Clinical Psychologist at Laksman Doell Psychology. He has passionately pursued the intersection of mental health, business, and optimal performance throughout his career. In addition to his clinical work, he holds an MBA from the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management and has previous experience working in management consultancy. He is passionate about using his diverse skillset to collaborate with individuals pursuing transformative intrapersonal change, and to facilitate well-being at scale.