Radical Self-Compassion: Reframe Your Inner Critic with One Simple Phrase

Feel like you’re too hard on yourself? Flip the script with a two-word reframe: ‘No wonder.’

As many of us know, it is easy to get lost in self-criticism when things are not going well. In fact, there are evolutionary or adaptive reasons for having loud inner critics: they are often terrified of something and ultimately trying to look out for our safety. However, despite their attempt to help, we also know that chronically loud inner critics often end up hurting us further.

Try this accessible activity to flip the script with your inner critic: begin the thought with “no wonder”. For example, rather than beating yourself up by thinking, “ugh, I cannot get anything done; I am useless, and I am going to fail.” Try, “No wonder I am struggling to focus lately, I have a lot on my plate in both my professional and personal life. This makes sense.” This simple flip bolsters self-compassion and provides us with often much-needed validation that is not always heard from others. It is radically self-compassionate to give yourself what you sometimes may need to hear, even if it starts small. This, in-turn, can help to regulate our bodies and to increase focus. Try writing out 3 sentences about your pain or stress beginning with “no wonder…”.

Nicholas Ostapchuk is a Doctoral Associate at Laksman Doell Psychology. He enjoys working with a broad range of individual presenting concerns, some of which include men who are struggling with their mental health, substance use and/or trauma as well as the LGBTQ+ population. Nicholas has an integrative therapeutic approach, which often draws from the important recognition that our emotions are evolutionary signals to our core, and often unmet, needs.